well yesterday was dreadful. seriously it was a kill me day. i had seen steve the night before, and even though i enjoyed seeing him, i was dieing from pain...this combination wasn't good so it =ed cry fest. this fest went through the night and i got into a fight with my parents over trying to leave the house at 11:30 at night. i get so fucking pissed that i can't go for a freaking walk for ten minutes without my dad freaking. go fuck an apple, dear god, i was on the balcony once and my dad couldn't find me so he freaked and threw my clothes that i just washed down the stairs...nice to find after getting yelled at for doing nothing wrong...

i wish i was 25. out or maybe still in college with an apartment in a city somewhere there are coffee shops on little streets that are damp from a lit rain earlier...and where you have to carry a nice sweater around with you in case you get a chill. if i had a car i would just drive till i felt content, preferably by some body of water...and just sit, and be by myself, or maybe with a person i care about. but no family. i long for that. my room is my only safety from them..and even this is starting to lose its value...the dresser that is conveniently next to the door so i can pull the drawer out and have it lock my door is being taken away...and heaven forbid i have a lock.

just normal teenage angst...puberty, no one listens...not even when your father has become obsessed with the lord and says the lord wants him to kill demons (people) so the world can be a better place.

nice.

today was easier. i downloaded songs onto my zen, babysat my little brother that hates me..literally...and i hung out with mike. that was nice.

tomorrow is going to be confusing, im going to talk with steve in the morning, if the party he is at now isn't to crazy, and then maybe make it to the street fair. after that its willy wonka time!...

i find it kinda weird that i thought id feel violated because people would be reading this, but no one really is. im okay with either. power to them.

my sto-mash is paining me, im nervious.

im not going to say bye, adios, sincerely or any of that, who am i writing to?

thats what i thought.